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2007 Birthday Goes Something Like This

Rollin' rollin' rollin....

Yee-HAAA!!

Gurgle-gurgle

Sip-Sip

Aaaaaahhh....

Whaa??!!

Could Have Called Them Last Thursday For A Few Birthday Revelers

This is the best business plan I've seen in a long time.

Well, It Is The Valley

On my birthday the boy next door got down to his birthday suit. I was out watering the backyard and I hear his mom yell, "Ryan, what - what are you doing! Pull those up right now!"

They have a blow-up pool for the six-and-unders. Ryan is six I think. The show went on for the next five minutes, his mom yelling at him not to pull his pants down in public, quit doing that right now!

"I'm not impressed, Ryan. You are not impressing me. You need to go get dressed right now."

Just hours earlier on the hiking trail I was yelling at my boy Oscar - he's a terrier - because he enjoys doing anything that annoys me. "Oscar, you are not impressing me eating that stick. Oscar, you are not impressing that dog by growling at him."

About twenty minutes after the exposure Ryan's dad came home. He was having a little chit-chat with his boy right under my window. I felt bad. Dad was having a hard time because I think he just wanted to laugh. Instead he talked in circles so the boy could totally understand that "it's not acceptable...it's not a bad thing...you just don't do that right now with girls...it's okay to look at girls' parts...but later in life...they just don't understand boys and girls parts and...it's not acceptable right now...but it's not a bad thing...so-just-don't, okay?"

Dad often locks himself in his garage and bangs on a drum set. I think he's raising the next Jim Morrison right next door.

Bumper Sticker: You Are Not What You Own

From the Frivolous But Fabulous file:

A couple weeks ago I went to the Melrose Flea Market and amazingly walked out of it empty-handed.
Not so yesterday after a trip to the Pasadena City College Flea.

One yellow wire-brush lamp. $18

One 1950's chip & dip bowl. $10 (Or eggrolls and whatever that dip you dip eggrolls into.)

Last but not least: A never-been-used pair of Andy Warhol banana split bowls. $5

"Fantastique Sur Plastique!"

A Tuesday Afternoon In NoHo

Star - a medium sized white Pit Bull with brindle spots and floppy ears - and I were out for a walk today when we saw an unleashed dachshund up ahead of us. I called to it, it stopped, he looked at us then high-tailed it up the street and disappeared. We turned the corner, Star happy to forget about the stray and sniff around when I saw this guy walking towards us. I asked him if he was missing a dachshund. He says, “No I’m not and (pointing at Star) I don’t want any trouble with that one.”

This took me off guard and I naively thought for a second that he was kidding. I started to say, “Oh, she’s great, very frien…”

“That dog’s a Pit Bull and I’m on a public street.”

Mmm. okay. So I try again, “So are we and she’s a goo…”

“She’s a Pit Bull and they bite people. They’re all crazy and everybody knows it. They all end up attacking people and killing. You need to get rid of that dog Get it away”

Now I was really riled. Fuck this ignorant a-hole. Aside from the fact that I genuinely love Pit Bulls, this one is the sweetest girl in the world to people, dogs and children. He on the other hand is obviously inhuman and inhumane and psycho - seriously he was acting like a rabid dog...

“Uh, they don’t all attack and why don’t you just back off a bit. You’re just provoking…”

He bellows now. “You’re the one causing trouble!”
He still walks toward us and I am still moving Star along yet he never slows down. Gee – do ya think he’s one of these folks who WANTS to get mauled just to have a lawsuit and tell everybody he WAS RIGHT!? Because I actually want to maul him now.

He pulls out his cell phone and exclaims, “Do you want me to call the police, cuz I will!?”
That makes me chuckle actually. “For what? Because I’m walking a dog?”

“You need to get that dog away before it bites someone.”

“Ya know, asshole, if I were her I’d bite you.”

Shit, if I were any dog I’d bite him. He blithered a little more, I waved him off, Star and I kept walking and got ahead a half a block. I felt him behind us for two more blocks before he ducked out somewhere. The funny thing is, Star kept looking back at him the whole time. Surely in this guy's ignoramus mind that was evidence enough of malicious behavior but I knew she knew he pissed me off and she was just making sure of his proximity.

Amazing – it would take an intruder who was threatening Star’s loved ones - not Star herself - to make her react and defend. And all this guy wants is to see it happen to prove himself right.
And he still, in his wee brain and giant gut would never know that he was the aggressor.

Now that I’m thinking about it – I’d bet you a thousand bucks and a ton of kibble that he followed us for the sole purpose of that encounter. It’s people like this……..