blah blah blog

No Cows, No Corvettes, Y'All

I've been going on lately about the drink I've concocted. It may not sound all that great to some, but for us non milk drinkers - it's a damn good one. White Russians with Vanilla Soy Milk. One part Vodka, one part Kahlua, the rest ice and Vanilla Soy Milk. The drawback to finding this new cocktail to your liking is that you are unlikely to get it at a bar or restaurant. Even in LA. Maybe, just maybe if it has a cappuccino maker and it is savvy to the non-dairy-ites. The other night we thought I might get lucky at Table 8 but I wasn't in the mood then. The Kettle One (with a whiff of vermouth) was quite frosty as I recall.

I also recall my college roommate in Texas used to drink White Russians all night long. No wonder she was such a long tall healthy Okee. Though one night she had a few too many and I had to drive her Turbo Trans Am home. I had a standing policy from the moment she walked into my life that I didn't need to, want to or WOULD EVER drive that car or her OTHER one, the Silver Anniversary Corvette. However, the same thing happened eventually with that one once and once was enough. She liked to drive REALLY fast. I like to get there. Last time I saw her she had established her drink of choice to be "Vodka, Cranberry with Four Limes". She drove a Mazda RX-7 and a van. Barefoot. I'll drink to that.

To Quote - The Shiny Day Has Arrived

The fabulous "producer, director, jewess" Jil Soloway has unleashed a new book on us called "tiny ladies in shiny pants"...

She will be at a plethora of book signings in September & October (not just in LA) with many special guests and very funny readings.

You can also order the book at Amazon! Get yours before I get ya one for Christmas! (or in this case - hanukkahmas)

Hot Hot Heat, Too Hot To Snake Handle

Didn't make it out much this weekend - it was too hot to do much but get the car washed, watch movies, work on a painting, have margaritas at the local Mexican dive, beers and salads at the Steak Joynt, and Kettle One martini's at Table 8. (Okay, that sounds like a lot, but I'm counting Thursday night as the start...)There are several things written in on my calendar that I didn't make it out for - wishing I could've seen The Snakehandlers at Molly Malone's, C. Duck & Nate at The Mint and The New York Dolls at The Sunset Junction, but I think I was asleep in front of the air conditioner before any of them hit their stages.

Ladies Who Kvetch

Last evening was spent laughing out loud with the likes of Jill Soloway and Maggie Rowe at their bi-weekly SIT 'n SPIN in Hollywood. Any time I see their names on the performers list I try to get there because it is guaranteed entertainment. They are after all, the ladies who brought us Hollywood Hellhouse.

Before the show started, we were chatting with a guy who I'd just been introduced to by Maggie's husband Jim who I've known FOREVER. I asked this guy how he knows Jim. He says, explaining their connection, "...do you know so-and-so...he's 21 and he does this and that and...?" I said, "I don't know ANYONE who's 21."

Later, after the show we were all to meet at this club on Melrose but when we got there (before anyone else), it was packed with 21-year-olds who were perfumed to high Hell and I just, I just, I just couldn't sit with it and we had to spin and I felt bad because I really really really wanted to tell the ladies how great their stories were and thank Maggie for putting us on the list and we wanted to give Maggie a DVD copy of The God Who Wasn't There and I wanted to gossip with Jim and have a cocktail with Jonathan and catch up with some of the Hellhousers but our senses were being violated and we felt like we were in Miami and we didn't want to ruin a perfectly great night and I didn't want Maggie to feel bad by saying anything about the place but I already grit my teeth in my sleep, so....

Maggie and crew, my apologies for bailing and my accolades for a healthy dose of hearty laughter. You did an over-21 body good.

Trojans vs. Bruins In Toluca Lake

It may be hard to decipher this photo - I took it quickly and didn't want to be thought of as a "razzi", as Jennifer Aniston calls them - but already the rivalry has begun before school has started. One house cheers for UCLA and the next door neighbors cheer for USC. I wonder if they are friends and it's a friendly rivalry - or one put up their flag (USC was first) and the other said, "Not on MY block!"

This Makes Me Want To Go Out & Buy A Really Expensive Dog Sweater

What follows is an email I received from a producer of a pending reality show.
Unless they are friends, I wouldn't even know anything about my clients' relationships. Not only that, people who hire me are usually very busy people (often in the entertainment industry) and are yes, pampering their pets, being responsible owners by making sure they are taken care of. Are we really that bored of a society to want to watch people hiss at each other over spoiling their dog? And do you really think that doctors and therapists will actually be available a month, six months, a year, two days after the show is over? How about the people who are distraught over a sick or dying dog that may need vet help? Huh?
Of course if you read this letter and are interested, by all means...

Subject: We are casting a reality show seeking couples at odds over an overpampered dog.

Dear dog care professional:

Next Entertainment, the producers of The Bachelor, are
casting a new reality show. We are looking for pairs
(families, couples, and friends) who are either at a
serious crossroads in their relationship or are
suffering from light-hearted issues such as being at
odds over an overpampered pet.

The show will provide a panel of doctors, therapists,
and experts to help resolve issues. This free
counseling is offered before, during, and after the
show (so we don't abandon people in need once taping
is complete).

Because this is a pilot, it will not air on TV, the
time commitment is short - only three days, and
participants will be paid for their time.

If you know anyone who may benefit or may be
interested, please contact...

Please pass the
word along to your clients if any of them seem like
they may be interested.

Someone Else's Dirty Laundry List (Part 2)

From the found notebook dated August July 1996:

There are many things
I wish to tell you.
I don't know where
to start.
I become confused
by the lies & only
know that the
truth cannot
be argued with.
It is important
for you to be
honest with
yourself and
with others.
I love you so.
Maybe one day we
can be free from
worry.

*

Photo Paper
Hanging Files

No Fear, No Loathing

In honor of the fireworks and ashes that are being rocketed into the sky tonight at Woody Creek, we are making several margaritas. Though Hunter Thompson was a Chivas man, he did not discriminate against any liquor. I believe it was at dinner with George McGovern and wife that he ordered "four margaritas and four beers".
"But there are only three of you..."
And then the man running for president and his wife ordered their own cocktails.

The Documentarian Who Was Here

Our buddy and fellow slumdance blogger Brian Flemming hit the newsstands today, appearing on page two of the LA Times' California Section. Following is the first couple of paragraphs (The Times requires a registration to view articles unless you catch them the day of)...but you can check in with Brian's blog and the documentary website for The God Who Wasn't There. In addition, if you are in SoCal this weekend you can see the film at The Center For Inquiry Sunday morning at 11:00 followed by a discussion, and in the afternoon in Costa Mesa. (PS - The Center For Inquiry is the place that hosted Hollywood Hellhouse, houses The Steve Allen Theater and by the way was formally known as The Center For Atheism.

*
Documentary Questions the Existence of Jesus
In 'The God Who Wasn't There,' a former born-again Christian argues that Christ was a mythological figure.

By Patricia Ward Biederman, Times Staff Writer

Brian Flemming's "Bat Boy: The Musical" was praised by critics but appalled some fundamentalists with its references to incest and other dark themes. Flemming's latest project is just as likely to disturb conservative Christians.

The 39-year-old Angeleno has made an hourlong documentary titled "The God Who Wasn't There." In it, the former born-again Christian argues that the biblical Jesus never lived, but is a mythological figure like Paul Bunyan.

Initially released theatrically June 17, the documentary grew out of Flemming's research for a fictional thriller-in-progress titled, "The Beast." In that film, which he hopes to release next year, a teenage Christian discovers that the Jesus she fervently believes in never existed.

"My position is that's the most likely scenario," the filmmaker said.

Asked why he chose to question Jesus' existence instead of his divinity, Flemming said: "I think that the idea that an individual could be the son of a god is already so ridiculous it doesn't need to be debunked."

Dear Deer, Best Always

Just a street above Cahuenga in the Hollywood Hills, I was turning my car around back towards the roaring traffic and a guy motions to me to stop. I thought he was going to inquire about my car signs that advertise the biz, but he motioned towards the hill right off the road, saying I might be someone who'd appreciate it and I look and - there was the deer.

And another. They grazed and stared right at me in my car while I clicked away. It's damn nice for a stranger to share like that in this isolated me, mine city.

Someone Else's Dirty Laundry List

The other day while walking Nikko the dog, I found a small notebook much like the ones I used to jot in over the years, mostly in the eighties & nineties. It reminds me of the eighties actually, when Pam and I used to pick up lost grocery lists, school assignments and love letters that we would randomly find along our travels and share readings of them over a beer at the now defunct J. Sloan's; and of Sacha's diary she found in a San Fran alley.

Some excerpts from the found notebook dated August July 1996:

1.)Stomach
2.)Sinuses
3.)Knottonbach
4.)Headaches
5.)

*

Is our love not the same?
2 Lovers from two hears
Both, different.
Two expressions of love.
One would be burning
Two; brings many questions
Each knows their best & worst
Compromise &
mistake Soul behavior

*

Water
Deoderant
Saline Salution

View From The #215 RTD (1985)

I saw the lady with the paraphenalia and baubles
Attached to her this morning in Hollywood
I see her all over the place
I saw her at the theater seeing "Kiss Of A Spider Woman"
She jingled and clanked a lot when she ate her popcorn
On this morning as she walked
Down Hollywood Boulevard at Ivar
I wondered how many times she'd covered this street
How many times she's looked in those store fronts
How many times she's walked over each marble star
How many times she's sat on each bus bench even though
The one in front of The Chinese is her favorite
As I watched her, she started walking in a swerve
Going from store window towards the curb
And back towards the buildings again as if
She was thinking the same thing and
Trying to step somewhere she'd never been before

It's Official

Hollywood Hellhouse is going to New York. Les Freres Corbusier Theater Company, along with the original producers of HH, are putting on the show from mid September thru Halloween. As it was the highlight of my year last year, I will pine for being a part of it again, but lucky lucky New Yorkers get the chance to see it. If you are going to NY or live there and want to see what Christian Fundamentalists like to tell their children in the goriest of ways, put on with stark reality by Hollywood - and now New York - actors, get in line! It's a fun ride.

And keep an eye out for the publicity - I was contacted yesterday for a handful of the photos I shot at last year's phenomenon...

I wonder if Jerry Seinfeld will take a turn this time around as Satan.

Solar Powered Cross Walk

I waited at the crosswalk today alone with Ed Begley Jr. and I DIDN'T want to say to him what I think every time I walk or drive by his house which is about five times a week. I didn't want to say, God how intimidating and thought provoking it must be to live next door to him - the neighbor with his Range Rovers and gardeners with their gas powered leaf-blowers and all; and Ed with his giant solar panels and electric car and lawn full of crunchy leaves and his line of non-toxic vegan cleaning products...

What I REALLY wanted to say was, "God, Six Feet Under is SO great this season but it is wrenching me! Absolutely gutting!"

But we just smiled and crossed the street and lo and behold seven minutes later, crossed again.

Rapid Rat Transit (1985)

All is calm on the RTD
On this Friday morning
A punker boards
And sits next to me
In all his leather and high black hair
He is hiding an animal in his jacket
I think it's a kitten
But he gets up to
Exit in West Hollywood and
Places the rat on his shoulder
I think how silly of me
To think it was a kitten

2005 Addendum:
I wonder if that guy was my future and present boyfriend...

The Singing Hollywood Bus Driver (1985)

The bus driver sings
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home..."

The lady in the uniform and
Blond beehive says
"I like that song."
The lady in the uniform and
Blond beehive sounds like a man.
Says to no one
"Yeah, they play that song a lot on KLRH.
Yeah I like that song.
Boy, Chuck Barry must be
Getting up in years, huh?
Do you remember?
How old must He Be?
He can still sing though.
Yeah, I always liked him.
I think he was a drinking man for a time.
He sure looked it for a while."

The bus driver whistles
"I'm looking over a four-leaf clover
That I over looked before..."

Two 1985 Fashion Critiques

"I'm strange?! You're the one who walks around in
clown pants, checkered shorts and wears
fucking G.I. Joes in your ears!"

"You're not wearing a bra."
"I usually don't."
"That's because you usually wear things
that look like my dad's bowling shirts."