October 31, 2004
Happy Halloween Hellhouse Sin Of The Day
I can't EVEN wrap my brain around that one.
Looking forward to SIXTEEN shows tonight...What WILL I do with my weekends after this?
October 30, 2004
Hollywood Hellhouse 10/29
Some HIGHlights from Friday nights production of Hollywood Hellhouse:
Larry Miller playing Satan.
The Snakehandlers rockin' the youth gropers - I mean youth groupers.
Jesus Christ in the youth group mosh pit.
Me, the innocent, unsuspecting youth grouper being picked up by a giant seven foot "aborted baby" Hell Dweller, being thrown over his shoulder and dragged kicking and screaming into Hell.
October 29, 2004
Hot As Hell
CNN.com says Hollywood Hellhouse is theHottest Show In Town!
Sunday is the last chance to see it and your ticket purchase is going to Project Angel Food and its going to be a HELL of a party!
October 28, 2004
Gymboreeeee!
Going to the gym is always a source of amusement for me. Some of that amusement however, is the not-so kind.
Yesterday I felt like I needed a good steam so I went down to my chic Hollywood sweat lodge with my Vanity Fair and rode the stationary bike for 40 minutes. Somehow whenever I ride the bike, there is ALWAYS this guy next to me who is plugged into his earpiece and talking on his phone the entire ride. At a far too elevated voice, of course. When I finished my ride and walked past him I noticed he was wearing a t-shirt that said “PRIVATE” on it. Hardly!
Next, I went upstairs where all the weights and nautilus machines and the yoga room are. Where all the muscle heads, celebrities and skinny actresses hang out. And I do mean skinny. There were several women there yesterday that feel the need to wear their sweats SO low and their shirts SO high you could get cut by their hip or rib bones if you ran into them.
After my steam I went to the locker room and standing next to my locker was a very cute little Asian girl no older than 25. She had one of those cute little bowling ball bag purses that she had slapped across it a “Vote For Bush” bumper sticker. I wanted to slap her.
One of the skinny actresses was dressing nearby. When she pulled a motorcycle helmet out of her locker, I thought, huh – cool. Then she donned a full-length cheap red evening dress and heavy work boots. I was confused but a few minutes later I saw that she wore it over leggings and there was a big slit up the side of the dress, then she wore a tight sweater over the top. It actually was turning out kind of cool. When I went to the parking lot I looked for the motorcycle but only saw an old scooter. And then it started to rain.
Hellhouse Sin Of The Day
Hmm. Come to think of it - if Bush is re-elected, I might look into that Artist Working In Ireland Visa. And the South Of France is quite nice.
October 27, 2004
October 26, 2004
October 25, 2004
Hollywood Hellhouse 10/23
Only three nights left of Hellhousing. This past Saturdays production was another slice of heaven -er, Hell?
The make-up artists outdid themselves with the Helldwellers making the newly added blacklights in Hell work magic on the painted faces of the tortured souls.
Ron Zimmerman did another turn at Jesus while Rick Overton sat in Satan's chair.
And Hail Mary! Mary and Mary had me singing their tune for the next 24 hours...
"...you don't have to touch your friends...you don't have to touch your friends..."
October 24, 2004
October 23, 2004
From The H'Wood Hills Hotel & Apts.
This is what LA looks like a couple days after the rains "scrub the skies".
This is what I was during those rains.
October 22, 2004
Shooting Dirty Pool
Boy, do I wish I was still in Illinois so I could vote -
an excerpt from the report on the Senate debate between Republican, faith & "morality" based, non Illinoisan Keyes against Democrat Obama....
"My opponent in this race doesn't have a track record of service in Illinois," Obama said. "Instead, he talks about a moral crusade and labels those that disagree with him as sinners."
Many of the questions — including those the candidates were able to ask each other — referred to controversial statements that Keyes has made during the campaign, including labeling homosexuality an abomination and saying Jesus Christ would not vote for Obama. Keyes said those statements were misinterpreted, but he did not back down from them.
"I do not say that homosexual relations are an abomination — the Bible says so," Keyes said.
He also said that it is true that those who support abortion take a "slaveholders position" and that Jesus Christ is against the taking of innocent life through abortion. He accused Obama of trying to take faith and morals out of government.
"I don't need Mr. Keyes lecturing me about Christianity," Obama said. "I'm not running to be minister of Illinois. I'm running to be its U.S. senator."
Obama asked Keyes why he has supported state legislatures electing U.S. senators rather than individual voters. Keyes said the question showed Obama's ignorance of the U.S. Constitution because its drafters intended the U.S. Senate to represent the states.
Obama retorted that he teaches constitutional law at the University of Chicago.
October 21, 2004
Halloween Invitation to Hell
HOLLYWOOD HELL HOUSE
on sunday october 31st
this halloween get scared by the scaaaaaaariest spooooooookiest people in the country...
the fundamentalists
with terrifying, gross-out, chilling REAL scripts from destiny baptist and trinity church
one last performance of hollywood hellhouse
- all other shows are sold out
an extra special spooky night of hellhouse tours with
* a new grosser and more disturbing hell
* a grodier abortion
* extra surprise rapists
* one night only male nudity
* satan portrayed by bill maher and will arnett and
ron zimmerman as jesus
* almost the whole darn cast together for this one
last
night
after your tour, stay for a party with the youth group
- potluck provided by the cast
- heavenly (non-alcoholic) and hellish (alcoholic) punch
- dance party with dj savey save and the snake
handlers and dean thomas and mary and mary...and mary, plus special surprise musical guests
- video yearbook and pin the sins on Jesus
- hellhouse awards ceremony
- tambourines and donut holes
- partying and praising til way past our bedtimes
- come in costume or not
tickets are 35 dollars and proceeds for the night go to Project Angel Food
Some time slots are already full so call now to get tickets at
323-960-4418 or go to www.plays411.com and enter 'hollywood hellhouse'
there will be 16 tours - 6pm, 6:15, 6:30, 6:45, 7, 7:15, 7:30, 7:45, 8:15, 8:30, 8:45, 9, 9:15, 9:30, 9:45, 10:00
this is your last chance to go to hell
or return to hell
take it now - you never know...tomorrow you might get hit by a bus
Hollywood Hellhouse is at
the Steve Allen Theater the Center for inquiry
4773 Hollywood Blvd.
-for more information/press on the show go to hollywood hellhouse.com.
October 20, 2004
Call Me Scrooge But Don't Call Me
How depressing!! Over the last few weeks, I have been contemplating a work gig, because well, not a whole lot happening out there. It being close to the holiday season, I sighed heavily and thought, well, I could get a Christmas gig back in retail… Just so you know, I have been in and out of retail for TWENTY-FIVE years and in various positions including management. I loathe it, have had enough of it. Burned out on it long ago. But, I figure at this point, if it was a holiday gig, it would be over before I know it.
So I see that Crate & Barrel is hiring for the holidays. Love C & B. Can’t be THAT bad. “Competitive salary”, big discount, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. They have an open house yesterday for hiring. I reluctantly spend some time filling out a FOUR PAGE application that I downloaded off the internet and I go down to The Grove to hand it in. All the way there I’m wondering why and feeling like quite the wanker about the whole thing.
So I hand in the application and I get handed over to this fellow who sits me in the dining room furniture department to interview me. Holy crap. It didn’t bother me in the least that he was younger than me. It bothered me a great deal that he was a moron. They have a cheat sheet for interview questions and he still couldn’t spit them out or comprehend that I am, come on – over qualified. By the time it was over, my head was spinning and by the time I got to the car I was bitter. By the time I got home I was depressed.
What brought you here to Crate & Barrel?
Do you consider yourself a team player?
Do you feel you handle stress well?
Can you give me an example of a time when you provided customer service?
Do you have an idea of what it might be like during the holiday season?
DO I! Yeah, and nobody should be paid the “competitive salary” of $8.50 an hour to get through it. Except maybe that guy.
Okay – got that off my chest. Sorry, fella. "And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!"
Hellhouse Sin Of The Day
I'm certain I could be in love with a mini Coop or a convertible Beetle, but that remains to be seen...
Today I'm in love with my sweats and Sundance beanie because it is cold and WET outside!
October 19, 2004
October 18, 2004
Hellhouse 9/16
Another rockin’ HELLHOUSE behind us. After Mr. Murray’s stunt from the week before, we all had to wonder what would happen during this week’s production. Kind of hard to top, thank goodness, but one unlucky fella apparently tossed his cookies during the rave scene. A haunted house is probably not the best activity for someone who has eaten dinner, drunk a lot of booze and is claustrophobic.
This week’s musical guest, The Snakehandlers, was the best part of being a youth grouper this time around. Bryson Jones and his cohorts really know how to spin an Andrew Lloyd Webber tune. Hosanna Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Ho!
Also in Hellhouse news -VARIETY called Pastor Keenan, the originator of Hellhouse and asked him since he came and saw Hollywood Hellhouse, had he added any new characters in his own Hellhouse. He responded that yes, he has added Maggie and Jill (two of the producers) into Hell because they were "making fun of Jesus".
This of course struck an irony chord with all of us because hey – what a spiteful thing to say! Sinful! And not to mention that he is missing the point. They are not making fun of Jesus, they are making fun of him!
As it says on the posters outside the venue and on the comic strips handed out by the youth groupers:
“Hollywood Hellhouse is in no way intended to ridicule Christianity or religion. It is specifically targeted at fundamentalism.”
IS there any fun in fundamentalism? Yes, in the form of Hollywood Hellhouse!
Other entries with pictures of Hollywood Hellhouse include:
Hell House
Jesus Hearts
Opening Night
Round 2
Joining Up
Hellhouse Hangover
Jesus Rules
October 17, 2004
October 16, 2004
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW
PAWS/LA (Pets Are Wonderful Support) once again holds its annual silent & live art auction PetArt6 at the
The Music Box Theater
6126 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood
Sunday, November 7, 2004
Doors open at 4pm
Live auction at 5pm
Martini bar & hors d'oeuvres
Tickets are $50.
This year, although there were many submissions of "pet art", there was no requirements for depictions of strictly dog, cat or horse works. It is a great opportunity to get some great art at less than gallery prices. This year the auction will have pieces from some of my favorite artists including Ed Ruscha, Robbie Conal, Baseman, Kenny Scharf, John Baldessari and Robert Longo.
And me.
PAWS/LA exists to enhance the quality of life of people living with a disabling life-threatening or terminal illness by empowering them to keep and care for their pets.
October 15, 2004
Discussing The Days News
ME: Bobcats are killing pets in Woodland Hills.
HIM: Is that because his comedy career is over?
October 14, 2004
Hey There, Sports Fans
“Hey, you from the city?”
At first I didn’t understand what the homeless man was saying to me, then I realized he was pointing at my Chicago Cubs t-shirt.
I was out in my yard playing fetch with the dog who for some reason decided not to bark at the man on the other side of the fence.
"You from the city?” he asked again.
“Yup”.
“You a fan?”
“Of course.”
“So what do you think will happen to Sosa?” he continued.
Walking up and down the yard because the dog doesn’t actually play fetch, he just runs after the ball and leaves it there, I answered, “I don’t know.”
“You know what Sammy did?”
I knew there were trade rumors and I tried to gather my last known data on Sammy and something came to me about his behavior in the last game so I just said, “Yes”.
“What happened to him?” He was quizzing me!
Now I knew I wasn’t dealing within a normal conversation so I backed off a little, nontheless I still answered, “Yeah.”
"What? What?"
Before I could answer again, he asks, “Do you know what happened to Sammy or don’t you?”
Now this guy is hanging over my fence and before I can breath he lights into me. About how I’ve dissed him, about how no Chicago person would treat him that way, that I’ve been out here too long, that I must be jaded for being in LA, that he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that, that he’s from New York and, “that right, that’s right, that’s right…” I couldn’t get a word in edgewise and he just kept repeating it about twenty-five times at the top of his voice so I picked up the dog and headed back to my apartment, closing my patio gate behind me.
“That’s right, lock your door! Lock your door! That’s right.”
I went in and I did. I could hear him for another couple minutes yelling to the air then I watched him move on.
Now, I know he started out being kind and I also know that he was nuts. I also know that after being in Hollywood for yes, a REALLY long time, I’ve learned not to get into detailed conversations with sketchy people. If that makes me jaded, well….
I’ll be looking for a Pit Bull at Petfinders for the next hour – don’t talk to me.
Heart Flower
Oil Pastels, Acrylic & Bottle Caps On Canvas
As a five-year-old I know once told his mother, "My heart loves your heart".
October 13, 2004
An Afternoon Downtown
The California Science Center - home to the Body Works Exhibition. Bones & Organs & Ligaments, Oh My.
Snake Bite
Union Station From Olvera Street
Hellhouse Sin Of The Day
On that note let me just quote Republican Alan Keyes who is running for Illinois Senate -his idea for "the best way to improve health care is to educate people about the possibility of buying cheaper generic drugs and encourage them to maintain good health through diet and exercise".
That ought to do it.
October 12, 2004
Bumper Sticker
I wonder how much money this mini van owner sent to the 700 Club to get this sticker. I also wonder if they've been to a Hell House or two in their life.
October 11, 2004
October 10, 2004
Jesus Rules!
Last night in the Hollywood Hellhouse Fellowship I was youth grouper "Margaret Mary" in honor of my catholic school hating sister of the same name. For two and a half hours I danced my old ass off, sciatica in full flame, thankful for celebrex and a few Tecates to get me through it. I was told that I should get a wig for upcoming performances because "your hair is way too hip for this room". And my hips are way too old for this room. Before the end of the run I'm going to have a wig and a wheelchair. Till then, I'm going to show those other yoot groupers some moves. Thank Jesus for my rock 'n roll groupie background.
Hindu Hell Dweller before Hell opens its doors - Got beer?
Nurse RU486
The Fellowship Bar
One of my duties (have you noticed how much George Bush loves that word?) as a Youth Grouper is to get people to pin their sin on Jesus. After going through Hellhouse, some people have a hard time contemplating which sin they should devulge. I told one woman to either go with her smallest or biggest sin, whichever felt better.
I will say that this weeks sins weren't nearly as salacious as last weeks. This weeks crowds however, just didn't want to leave! A lot more audience participation with people joining in dancing and revelling. Speaking of audience participation - during one tour, a man who is rumored to be "Bill Murray's brother" was in Satan's Lair and dropped his drawers, pressed his front side against the glass towards an unsuspecting Hell Dweller then picked a booger and smeared it on the glass! What cajones! Literally! So far there is no confirmation as to whether he pinned his sin on Jesus. I suspect he is a former alter boy.
Is it a sin to dance to Michael Jackson now? And what about Rick James?
Everybody is in love with the Suicide Spirit! And the Suicide Spirit is so in love with his role, after a long night of doing the death dance, still donned in his tights he joined the holy rollers for a final send off.
I confess: I Heart Hollywood Hellhouse
October 08, 2004
Me In The 70's
October 8, 1976
Found out who made the cast of Picnic. Missy M. (yuch) got the lead part. Watched TV after school then went to Lisa's. Went out tonight with Marti, Jill and Jane. Went to Kim's. Talked to Gary there. Went to the park and other places.
October 8, 1977
Homecoming Dance
Went over to Jodie's with Deb and Nan. Went to Chicago at night with Deb, Lisa, Joy and Nan. Went to the Sear's Tower and out to eat. It was fun.
October 07, 2004
October 06, 2004
Me, Winning In The 70's
October 6, 1976
Had a meet today against Dekalb. Everybody won. 6-0. Went out with Lisa tonight to the Park and places. Debbie called later.
October 6, 1977
Had a tennis meet after school. We won. Went out with Debbie, Robin, Joy, Lisa and April. It was great. Partied and Tee Peed all night.
October 6, 1978
Went to tennis for a while. Went out with Debbie, Wendi, Mary & Joy. Rowdie game at Dekalb. We won. Went to Jaybird's party. Crazy night!
October 05, 2004
Everybody Was Kung Fu Casting
This is a snippet of a rather large map/billboard in Hollywood. I just pointed and shot as the car geared up through the intersection. I love LA. And Yahoo.
October 04, 2004
A Summary of the Debate
Chuck assigned all his South Central kids to a three line evaluation of the first presidential debate. One of his Special Ed students, when asked what he thought about it, said, "...Bush be lookin' like a bitch...I want to be slappin' him upside like a bitch..."
An Aurora Boy Turns 45 In Hollywood
There's nothing like a good steak and some fine Zin to cure what ails you. And for celebrating a birthday. Taylor's took care of us, giving up their private room to this Chicago expat band of merrymakers.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Worthington!
October 03, 2004
Hellhouse Hangover
Being a Youth Grouper for Hollywood Hellhouse allowed me to be what I never was - a cheerleader, a drum majorette, a worshiper of the church and a sixteen-year-old do-gooder. Of course, everyone involved is supplied with plenty of ice cold incentive so it is easier to be good when you are juiced for Jesus.
Claudia Lonow and Me (before "curtain") Thanks, Tom Tully, for this one.
Ron Zimmerman's turn at Jesus
Nora & Nancy as Loretta & Mary Lou
Jesus sneaking a donut hole
Maybe next week I'll bring my autoharp.
October 02, 2004
Joining The Sinners
Glory, glory, hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler... Oh, wait a minute. That's not the words. In fact, I don't know what the real words are. Nonetheless, I have joined the FELLOWSHIP! I will be a "youth grouper" tonight and maybe every remaining night of Hollywood Hellhouse. This means I get to shake my holy tailfeathers all night, welcome all the visitors and new "worshipers" to the fellowship and guide them to pin their sins on Jesus! And it means I'll have something to do on Halloween...
Hail Mary.
