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Unemployed in Avalon

Exactly six years ago I was waiting to hear about a job I had applied for. It was seemingly taking longer than anticipated but I was hopeful and in need. My friend Barb called me and said I should meet her in Catalina for a couple of days. After I voiced my financial issues with this idea, she said, ÒLook at it this way Ð if you get the job, you wonÕt be able to go there for a long time. At least you can be waiting in Paradise.Ó I Ôd always wanted to go so I went. On the second day there, I called my home machine and there was the offer. IÕd gotten the job. I was hooked. IÕve gone back to the island at least two to five times a year.

Barb called me last week and said sheÕd be there for a few days. Well, I have been desperately waiting to hear about TWO jobs that had potential and I thought Ð hey, thereÕs no better time to go. It worked the last time! Maybe Catalina is a little good luck charm. Lo and behold. An hour into being on the island, in the middle of a hike, I got the first call. This meant getting in touch with the other job and getting their offer. My two days in Avalon were not only filled with fresh air, hiking, swimming and dancing Ð but also negotiating. A little relaxation mixed with a little stress.

Nonetheless, while securing a future paycheck, the island delivered as it always does. I had taken a friend who had never been there and thatÕs often half the fun. There are a ton of things to do that I have never done and probably never will. Like Ð the glass bottom boat tour, parasailing, the bus tour through the interior, golf, horseback riding, etc. But I hike, camp, swim, snorkel, sit in an innertube, play scrabble, shop, eat and hike some more.

My future boss asked me, ÒWhat the Hell do you do there? Look for Natalie WoodÕs shoes?Ó
ÒYeah,Ó I said, ÒI snorkel for shoes. IÕll see you when I get back.Ó
I went for a long swim then went to the Marlin Club for a celebratory beer before having to come back to civilization and a very sarcastic boss. Thanks to Avalon, I can handle it.

Comments:

Hey don't forego the glass-bottom boat! My great-uncle brought those to Texas in the 50s next to Ralph the swimming pig and the of course underwater dancing mermaids, whose positions were first occupied by beauftiful great-aunts of mine (who also happened to be mermaids).

All I'm saying is...

:)
Brandon
bluechief

Short Trip

Will be gone for a couple much needed days to Catalina Island. Will report upon return...!

Dinner w/ Mars

August 22, 2003

Menu:
Appetizers: Cheese and Crackers, Nut mix, Corn Chips, Mini Corn Dogs
Main Course: Salad, Croissants, Some Kind of Mushroom Dish, Cajun Rice with Shrimp, Chicken and Sausage.
Cocktails: Wine.
View: Perfect night sky.
People: 8
Dogs: 4

RULES FOR HIRING

I am currently a candidate for a job with a company that is owned by a large corporation. Their main concern before hiring is making sure that the potential employee has no major skeletons in their closet, i.e. stalking, violence, stealing, etc. Different times. Concerning the following, I'd just like to say that I have plenty of experience with the public and I am still inclined to be cantankerous and fussy...

1943 Job Standards and Rules for Hiring Women

The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue ofÊ Transportation Magazine. This was written forÊ male supervisors of women in the work force duringÊ World War II.

Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees:

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

1.Ê Pick young married women.Ê They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2.Ê When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy.Ê It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3.Ê General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4.Ê Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5.Ê Stress at the outset the importance of time - the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules.Ê Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6.Ê Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes.Ê Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7.Ê Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day.Ê Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8.Ê Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day.Ê You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology.ÊÊ A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9.Ê Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms.Ê Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do.Ê Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10.Ê Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women.Ê Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11.ÊGet enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. ÊThis point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

Grating Spaces

Went to the LA treasure that is the Getty Museum yesterday. It was 90-some degrees, not a cloud in the sky Ð a blazer, but the place was understandably crowded. No doubt the masses of tourists had already been to the beach, done Hollywood Blvd, strolled Rodeo Drive and now hustled their way to the hill for some culture. My friend and I were there to see the ÒStrange DaysÓ exhibit. A series of black & white photographs by three photographers, all shot during the sixties. Arbus, Eggleston and Winogrand.

Mary Jane and I pondered the social landscape that these pictures portrayed and then mused about the social landscape around us. There we were in one of the most beautiful places on earth and all around us was a humanity that has no social graces. I donÕt think theyÕve completely gone out the window but we were constantly reminded of peopleÕs lack of consideration for those around them. In the parking garage, in the galleries, in line at the cafŽ, strolling the gardens. Apparently most people have never heard of Òpersonal spaceÓ and either way, they seem to always want to get right into ours. Frankly I donÕt want to feel my neighbors arm hair while I view a piece of art. And I donÕt care if you get ahead of me in line but donÕt sneak your way past me. And is it really necessary for you to get the closest parking space while you make twenty cars behind you wait to get by? Apparently. We thanked our lucky stars that we werenÕt in New York during the recent blackout, stuck in a subway or elevator or trying to navigate down Broadway just to get home. While we were waiting for our own people-mover, the tram that takes you up and down the hill from the parking lot to the museum, MJ and I were discussing her recent speech on womenÕs health to a group of South Central folks and health in general. She was referring to a study about Coca-Cola and itÕs affect on your body and the fact that it is carried in ambulances to clean up blood, when this guy standing near us decides to pipe in and insinuate that we must have read that in the New York Times where all news is unreliable. We took a look at his figure as he continued to goad us and MJ said to him, ÒWell, you paint your own picture.Ó I had to steer her to the back of the tram before she called him a ÒBig Mac eatinÕ, coke drinkinÕ buffoonÓ. DonÕt mess with my girlÕs message. After all, she has fought and continues to fight past and the awful present administrations where womenÕs health and laws are concerned. She does not back down. Thank God for the guy with the artful mullet and the boy with the twenty pounds of dreadlocks to remind us that there are still people out there committed to something besides being first in line or having the last, opinionated, unasked-for word.

FOX IN A TWIST

Once again, Brian Flemming makes my morning a humorous one. Please be my guest and take a look at his "Fair & Balanced" script. Enjoy, while I go have a balanced breakfast and listen to some Liz Phair.

Fox VS. Franken

How did it get to this? Spike TV, anyone?

Humorists of several stripes are showing a united front against Fox News Channel, which has sued comic Al Franken for the use of the term "fair and balanced" on the cover of his upcoming book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. In its lawsuit, the news channel accused Franken of being "shrill and unstable ... parasite" and charged that he appeared to be "either intoxicated or deranged" at a dinner in Washington last April. In his column in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Pioneer Press, media writer Brian Lambert remarked: "The sight of Fox News, a plump, consensual parasite on the rump of the Republican National Committee, accusing anyone else of being 'deranged,' 'intoxicated,' 'shrill' and 'unstable' is like Saddam Hussein filing for a restraining order against U.S. Special Ops." York, PA Daily Record columnist Mike Argento offered Fox News lawyers numerous suggestions for augmenting their filing, including, "The plaintiff also believes that Franken's use of the phrase 'fair and balanced' is an attempt at humor that evades Fox News executives because they have no sense of humor." Todd Hanson, senior writer at the satirical The Onion website, worried that the publication might now be sued by the Vegetable Growers of America for using the word "onion." The Minneapolis Star-Tribune quoted satirist Andy Borowitz as saying, "Fox claiming they own the words 'fair and balanced' is a little like Schwarzenegger claiming he owns the words 'qualified and experienced.'" Meanwhile, Matt Drudge, a frequent guest on Fox News Channel, said Wednesday that Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly "lobbied" the network to file the suit against Franken, who attacks O'Reilly in the book. Drudge quoted "a top source" in New York as saying, "For Bill, above all other things, this was a matter of honor and support."

Chickens & Pigs

Only in Hollywood. Well, technically, it was West Hollywood where I found this chicken wandering in the manicured front yard of a house on Martel Ave. Another couple that had parked their car on this side street of Melrose was also stopped in their tracks by this hen. The bird wasnÕt at all disturbed by us and kept to his lawn pecking. We all shrugged and went on our merry way to the freak show that is Melrose Ave on a Sunday afternoon. An hour later when I returned to my car, there he was Ð still in the same front yard strutting his stuff. You tell me. A pet or someoneÕs dinner that got away?

In other farm animal news Ð The Pig & Whistle on Hollywood Blvd, which is right next to the American Cinematheque is the BEST DEAL IN TOWN! They have a HAPPY HOUR every day of the week from 4 Ð 7. Two for one beers (of which they have many flavors) and well drinks and 50% off selected appetizers. So basically two people could have two beers a piece (even Guinness) and a large plate of calamari for thirteen bucks. Even better Ð itÕs kind of transient because of the tourist factor, so you never have to wait long for a barstool. They also have sidewalk patio seating so THAT freak show is passing by at all hours. Tell Melanie Nora and David sent yaÕ!

LIVE EVERY DAY

I know this time of year brings attention to many commencement speeches. I was forwarded this one and I found it amusing, familiar and worthy of a read by all those just entering college, leaving college, not going to college and those STILL wondering how they're going to get where they want to go.

Anne Lamott, on June 6, 2003 gave the undergraduate and interdisciplinary studies commencement address at the University of California at Berkeley. Here it is in most of its entiretyÉ

I am honored and surprised that you asked me to speak today. This must be a magical day for you. I wouldn't know. I accidentally forgot to graduate from college. I meant to, 30 years ago, but things got away from me. I did graduate from high school, though -- do I get a partial credit for that? Although, unfortunately, my father had forgotten to pay the book bill, so at the graduation ceremony, when I opened the case to see my diploma, it was empty. Except for a ransom note that said, see Mrs. Foley, the bookkeeper, if you ever want to see your diploma alive again. I went to Goucher College in Maryland for the best possible reasons Ð to learn -- but then I dropped out at 19 for the best possible reasons Ð to become a writer. Those of you who have read my work know that instead, I accidentally became a Kelly girl for a while. Then, in a dazzling career move, I got hired as a clerk typist in the Nuclear Quality Assurance Department at Bechtel, where I worked typing and sorting triplicate forms. I hate to complain but it was not very stimulating work. But it paid the bills, so I could write my stories every night when I got home. I worked at Bechtel for six months -- but I had nothing to do with the current administration's shameless war profiteering. I just sorted triplicate forms. You've got to believe me. It was a terrible job, at which I did a terrible job, but it paid $600 a month, which was enough to pay my rent and bills.

This is the real fly in the ointment if you are crazy enough to want to be an artist -- you have to give up your dreams of swimming pools and fish forks, and take any old job. At 20, I got hired at a magazine as an assistant editor, and I think that was the last real job I've ever had. I bet I'm beginning to make your parents really nervous -- here I am sort of bragging about being a dropout, and unemployable, and secretly making a pitch for you to follow your creative dreams, when what they want is for you to do well in your field, make them look good, and maybe also make a tiny fortune.

But that is not your problem. Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are. At some point I finally started getting published, and experiencing a meager knock-kneed standing in the literary world, and I started to get almost everything that many of you graduates are hoping for -- except for the money.

I got a lot of things that society had promised would make me whole and fulfilled -- all the things that the culture tells you from preschool on will quiet the throbbing anxiety inside you -- stature, the respect of colleagues, maybe even a kind of low-grade fame. The culture says these things will save you, as long as you also manage to keep your weight down. But the culture lies. Slowly, after dozens of rejection slips and failures and false starts and postponed dreams -- what Langston Hughes called dreams deferred Ð I stepped onto the hallowed ground of being a published novelist, and then 15 years later, I even started to make real money. I'd been wanting to be a successful author my whole life. But when I finally did it, I was like a greyhound catching the mechanical rabbit she'd been chasing all her life -- metal, wrapped up in cloth. It wasn't alive; it had no spirit. It was fake. Fake doesn't feed anything. Only spirit feeds spirit, in the same way only your own blood type can sustain you. It had nothing that could slake the lifelong thirst I had for a little immediacy, and connection.

So from the wise old pinnacle of my 49 years, I want to tell you that what you're looking for is already inside you. You've heard this before, but the only thing inside you really is that which causes you to seek it. You can't buy it, lease it, rent it, date it or apply for it. The best job in the world can't give it to you. Neither can success, or fame, or financial security -- besides which, there ain't no such thing. J.D. Rockefeller was asked, "How much money is enough?" and he said, "Just a little bit more."

So it can be confusing -- most of your parents want you to do well, to be successful. They want you to be happy -- or at least happy-ish. And they want you to be nicer to them; just a little nicer -- is that so much to ask? They want you to love, and be loved, and to find peace, and to laugh and find meaningful work. But they also -- some of them -- a few of them Ð not yours -- yours are fine -- they also want you to chase the bunny for a while. To get ahead, sock some away, and then find a balance between the greyhound bunny-chase, and savoring your life.
But the thing is that you don't know if you're going to live long enough to slow down, relax, and have fun, and discover the truth of your spiritual identity. You may not be destined to live a long life; you may not have 60 more years to discover and claim your own deepest truth -- like Breaker Morant said, you have to live every day as if it's your last, because one of these days, you're bound to be right.
So I thought it might help if I just went ahead and told you what I think is the truth of your spiritual identity ... Actually, I don't have a clue. I do know you are not what you look like, or how much you weigh, or how you did in school, and whether you get to start a job next Monday or not. Spirit isn't what you do, it's ... well, again, I don't actually know. They probably taught this junior year at Goucher. But I know that you feel it best when you're not doing much -- when you're in nature, when you've very quiet, or, paradoxically, listening to music. I know you can feel it and hear it in the music you love, in the bass line, in the harmonies, in the silence between notes; in Chopin and Eminem, Emmylou Harris, Bach, whoever. You can close your eyes and feel the divine spark, concentrated in you, like a little Dr. Seuss firefly. It flickers with aliveness and relief, like an American in a foreign country who suddenly hears someone speaking in English. In the Christian tradition, they say that the soul rejoices in hearing what it already knows. And so you pay attention when that Dr. Seuss creature inside you sits up and says, "Yo!"
We can see spirit made visible in people being kind to each other, especially when it's a really busy person, taking care of a needy annoying person. Or even if it's terribly important you, stopping to take care of pitiful, pathetic you. In fact, that's often when we see spirit most brightly. It's magic to see spirit largely because it's so rare. Mostly you see the masks and the holograms that the culture presents as real. You see how you're doing in the world's eyes, or your familyÕs, or -- worst of all -- yours, or in the eyes of people who are doing better than you -- much better than you -- or worse. But you are not your bank account, or your ambitiousness. You're not the cold clay lump with a big belly you leave behind when you die. You're not your collection of walking personality disorders. You are spirit, you are love, and, while it is increasingly hard to believe during this presidency, you are free. You're here to love, and be loved, freely. If you find out next week that you are terminally ill -- and we're all terminally ill on this bus Ðall that will matter is memories of beauty, that people loved you, and you loved them, and that you tried to help the poor and innocent.
So how do we feed and nourish our spirit, and the spirit of others?
First, find a path, and a little light to see by. Every single spiritual tradition says the same three things: 1) Live in the now, as often as you can, a breath here, a moment there. 2) You reap exactly what you sow. 3) You must take care of the poor, or you are so doomed that we can't help you. You don't have to go overseas. There are people right here who are poor in spirit; worried, depressed, dancing as fast as they can, whose kids are sick, or whose retirement savings are gone. There is great loneliness among us, life-threatening loneliness. People have given up on peace, on equality. They've even given up on the Democratic Party, which I haven't, not by a long shot. You do what you can, what good people have always done: You bring thirsty people water; you share your food, you try to help the homeless find shelter, you stand up for the underdog.

Anything that can help you get your sense of humor back feeds the spirit, too. In the Bill Murray army movie "Stripes," a very tense recruit announces during his platoon's introductions, "My name is Francis. No one calls me Francis. Anyone calls me Francis, I'll kill them. And I don't like to be touched -- anyone tries to touch me, I'll kill them." And the sergeant responds, "Oh, lighten up, Francis." So you may need to upgrade your friends. You need to find people who laugh gently at themselves, who remind you gently to lighten up.
Rest and laughter are the most spiritual and subversive acts of all. Laugh, rest, slow down. Some of you start jobs Monday; some of you desperately wish you did -- some of your parents are asthmatic with anxiety that you don't. They shared this with me before the ceremony began. But again, this is not your problem. If your family is hell-bent on you making a name for yourself in the field of, say, molecular cell biology, then maybe when you're giving them a final tour of campus, you can show them to the admissions office. I doubt very seriously that they could even get into U.C. Berkeley -- I talked to a professor who said there is not a chance he could get in these days.
So I would recommend that you all just take a long deep breath, and stop. Just be where your butts are, and breathe. Take some time. You are graduating today. Refuse to cooperate with anyone who is trying to shame you into hopping right back up onto the rat exercise wheel. Rest, but pay attention. Refuse to cooperate with anyone who is stealing your freedom, your personal and civil liberties, and then smirking about it. I'm not going to name names. Just send money to the ACLU whenever you can. But slow down if you can. Better yet, lie down. In my 20s I devised a school of relaxation that has unfortunately fallen out of favor in the ensuing years -- it was called Prone Yoga. You just lie around as much as possible. You could read, listen to music, you could space out, or sleep. But you had to be lying down. Maintaining the prone.

You've graduated. You have nothing left to prove, and besides, it's a fool's game. If you agree to play, you've already lost. It's Charlie Brown and Lucy, with the football. If you keep getting back on the field, they win. There are so many great things to do right now. Write. Sing. Rest. Eat cherries. Register voters. And -- oh my God -- I nearly forgot the most important thing: refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you'll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you've just eaten. The pants may be lying! There is way too much lying and scolding going on politically right now without your pants getting in on the act, too.
So bless you. You've done an amazing thing. And you are loved; you are capable of lives of great joy and meaning. It's what you are made of. And it's what you're for. So take care of yourselves; take care of each other. Thank you.

Ciao, Brian.

It's official. Bustamante has entered the race for California governor. This means of course, that my friend and yours, Brian Flemming has opted out and given his statement. Sorry to see him go but it was fun while it lasted.

And we thought Florida was a joke. With Schwarzenneger, a 65 year-old billboard pinup, a porn star, and child star-turned security guard entering the race, we here wonder, as does the rest of the world- what kind of race is this? It all seems as unreal as that smile on Gray Davis's face these days.

FLEMMING OR FLYNT?

Read the Film Threat
interview with Brian Flemmingthat pretty much covers everything in his creative life and of course his run for Governor.
Remember people, so far it's the only Democratic choice there is except for Larry Flynt.

SUFFERING SUCK-OTASH

Check out rotten tomatoes for a biting glimpse at all the "Gigli" reviews. Or should I say blastings. I admit - we in this household are avidly amused at the trainwreck that this movie has created. Or Ben and J Lo created. How sick of them we are. They doth protest too much!

About eight months ago I was approached by a so-called producer with an idea for a movie. He asked me and two other writers to listen to his pitch and write a treatment for this epic romantic adventure with the idea that he would be able to get money with this treatment and then we would write the script. The other idea that he pitched to us was that it was a vehicle for J Lo. He claimed to have a long standing friendship with her father and has casual dinners etc, with him and Jen. In fact he told us that he pitched the idea to her and she was all over it. Well, of course within the next couple of months, we learned that this "producer" was full of it. I mean, first of all - if J Lo was "behind" this idea, what did he need us for? Oh yeah, because we weren't in the union and he figured he could screw us and get a product for nothing. We were actually pretty excited about the idea and had written a pretty exciting treatment. I even sat through a couple J Lo films on HBO and tried to get a feel for this woman who was making herself increasingly open to critisism. She did have the number one film at the time, Maid In Manhattan, which I didn't see. I don't think I've paid to see any of her movies. Anyway, the more skeptical we writers became of the "producer", the more his behavior screamed FRAUD!!. The "producer" was on to us being on to him and he casually dropped all communication. I was embarrassed that we'd fallen for any of it. That we pictured ourselves working with J Lo. A blessing in disguise, I suppose. Believe me, if I ever see this movie based on our treatment, I will scream foul as loud as J Lo screams she's still "Jenny from the block".