I was having a conversation with my friend Valerie yesterday,
discussing my latest job stop as dog walker.
She asks me, “So are you picking up poop?”
Yup. Picking up a lot of poop. Talking a lot of poop. Poopsalot.
I tell her that while I am not likely to have children in this lifetime
damn if I’m not picking up my share of poop.
I’ve got no problem talking about poop.
She says, “When can we just say ‘shit’? Can’t it just be ‘shit’?”
Sure, why not?
Your dog shit twice for me today!
Your dog’s shit doesn’t look too good.
Has your dog’s shit been checked lately?
You’re a good little shitter.
Shit is a mighty good word.
Then there is my father’s favorite statement
whenever he’s having a shitty day or a shitty moment –
he says, “I got a turd in every pocket.”
Turd. Very effective in that statement and not as visually icky as shit.
Shit, however, as words go is more versatile -
it is a noun, a verb, even an adjective.
One cannot turd, one just IS a turd.
One does not exclaim TURD!
In fact one cannot exclaim POOP!
Unless you are Kate Hepburn and even then it’s cute.
As is doodie. Even cuter than poop.
Really, isn’t it time we take shit off the list of seven words you can’t say on air?
Then again, maybe I’m just talking bleep. Lots of bleep.