I've ALWAYS said I could never be an actor because of the audition process. Just the idea of putting myself in such a vulnerable position is unnerving. It's not that I'm not familiar with rejection, but why give myself ample opportunity to get it over and over again? In person! But it's not just the rejection or the fear...
On Thurdsday evening my friend Barbara called and said, "Wanna go on an audition tomorrow?" "No", I said. I didn't utter another breath until after she said, "Okay, Bye." Then I took a deep one and asked, "Alright, what is it?"
She broke it down for me - Logitech. Non union. Buyout. Looking for a creative business woman between 25 & 40. Hip. "And naturally I thought of you!" Naturally. "When," I ask. She tells me 6 PM the next day. 6! On a Friday? In the valley? It just keeps getting better. Because I love Barbara, I say fine.
I've worked as an agent. I sent people to auditions en masse. I've watched my boyfriend go through it. I've had headshots taken of myself because I've seen the jobs out there and figured I'd go on a couple print auditions in which you just have to get your mugshot taken smiling or frowning or laughing or whatever. Those are a piece of cake and few and far between.
So Friday, 5PM comes around and I drive to the valley for the Logitech commercial audition dressed hip and creative in a business fashion. Of course upon entering any casting studio, you are sized up and down by everyone else there for the same part and you in turn do the same to everyone else once you've signed in, taken your sides and filled out your size card. Already the ego and self confidence is shrinking. Unless of course you're one of those actors that is oblivious to humility. Or should I say "persons" that is oblivious? No, because I'm sorry, but actors are of a different species. In fact you are reminded of it over and over if you have anything to do with the business of actors. In fact we who were auditioning for Logitech were reminded of it because the casting assistant kept telling us that the client wanted "real people" and not "actors" - so try to "act real". Which of course brings up the witty banter between the auditioners about how silly this whole process is etc, etc, which probably is a paraphrased conversation that can be heard reverbarating through the hills and canyons and bars on a daily basis. How much cuter or more witty or more savvy can I be than him or her? Well, I sat there in the waiting room, waiting, thinking - I don't care. More power to these folks for doing this, but frankly, if I suck - who cares? I've sat in on casting sessions with some fairly well known names and they sucked. Maybe it was because they'd slept with the producer or wanted to sleep with the producer or maybe they were just having an off day or maybe they just sucked. So if they can suck - so can I.
They called us in by threes and the idea was that we were just frazzled by all the cords at our computer desk and the ringing of phones and the baby crying and the fax machine beeping and wouldn't it all be easier if you used a cordless Logitech mouse? Well, my boyfriend would tell you that I would be a shoe-in for this because he's always laughing at my frustrations behind the computer. But guess what - I was frazzled when it came to be my turn because I was nervous and a novice. Because maybe if they asked for reactions or even to run some lines, I might have even remembered what I did. But after pantomiming through the action, I couldn't tell you WHAT the Hell I did. However, what I COULD have done, ran through my head for the next ten hours. How annoying!
Well, like I said - more power to the actors for putting themselves out there time and time again. I've heard directors and producers say that they desperately want the next person that walks through the door to be the one and that any actor should think that way. But for me? I prefer to be able to paint over what I don't like or throw away what I just wrote or open up a rejection letter in the privacy of my own neurosis, thank you very little. So next time Barbara calls I think No will definitely mean no....
Posted by nora murphy at July 26, 2003 04:54 PM | TrackBack