The Da Vinci Code: The Musical

Conspiracy has been the theme in my life lately. I don't know why I am so compelled by conspiracy theories (even when I believe they have almost no facts to back them up), but I am.

Over the holiday, I read the Da Vinci Code and immediately decided that it should be our follow-up musical to Bat Boy. It's not likely to happen, but, man, that book has everything, including a very exciting semblance of The Truth. I'd tell you about it but that would spoil it for you. Let me just say that if you've been going to church every Sunday, and orgies aren't part of the ceremony, you've been totally led astray. If you don't start having sex in church right away, in my opinion you are headed straight for Hell.

And now that you know, you'll have no excuse on Judgment Day.

The book also finally revealed to me why it is that whenever I see a hot redhead I drop to my knees.

The book is really ticking off some Christians. I mean, really ticking them off. Maybe you know this already, because the book has been a bestseller for months, but I live in a cave and had no idea there was such a big fuss.

I think my Bat Boy co-horts Keythe, Larry and I are the perfect team to turn the book into the opera it is screaming out to be. Keythe is a Christian, I am an ex-Christian and Larry believes every conspiracy theory that anyone has ever told to anyone else. We'd be like the id, the ego and the superego (no, I don't know who would be who--I'm just trying to sound smart). Oh, and Bat Boy is really just a ritual re-relling of the story of Christ anyway, so we know this territory.

It's not gonna happen, of course, but it's fun to fantasize.

Oh, and today is the anniversary of the Gates assassination, so please do find time for a moment of silence.